Sparkly Green Earrings

I am reading this book, "Sparkly Green Earrings" by Melanie Shankle. It's a memoir of sorts about being a mother. My sister gave it to me after she read it in one night. Yes. One night. It's that good. And that's coming from a proclaimed "non-reader" (unless it's the weekly People Magazine.) In the book she talks about she and her husbands decision to only have one child. It was simply that. THEIR choice. She talks about how one day she did have a fleeting thought that maybe, just maybe, she DID want to have another baby. So when she told her husband his reply was that he was perfectly happy with their family of three but perhaps they should pray about it and let God reveal his plans. She prayed that God would change her husbands heart. She prayed that he would decide that yes, in fact, he did want another child. What she saw was that God changed HER heart. She no longer wanted another child and began to feel complete just the way they were. This spoke volumes to me. God changed HER heart. When she was praying for him to change someone else's. That happened to me too. I spent countless nights, days, and hours praying for a miracle. I prayed that the reason for our infertility would reverse, go away, become a medical mystery. I prayed that those little soldiers would stay alive and swim where they were supposed to, not die the second they hit my fallopian tubes. That didn't happen, but another miracle did. God changed MY heart. I finally let go of the dreams I had always had of having a whole football team (or cheerleading squad) of kids. I no longer longed to be pregnant and feel those little kicks or hiccups, I no longer wanted to feel the morning sickness that plagued me when I was pregnant with Ellie (yes, I wanted it THAT bad). I don't know exactly when it happened but it did. I was at peace. Finally, after three years. I am at peace with what God is doing. It's HIS plan, not mine. I can see him working and it's an amazing journey to be a part of. He's not done with our family, I believe that. When he made us, he knew we were going to adopt. He knew the long bumpy and even heartbreaking road we would take to get there, but he never left our side. We now long for the day we get that phone call that our baby is on the way. Yes, it's different than what my plan was. Its God's plan. And that is the best thing of all!